Dressed To Kill

There are a lot of crazy/evil leaders and dictators in the world right now. Each generation has its own brand of villains. Now, I usually don't really care what people wear, but when it comes to evil leaders I think someone needs to give these guys a makeover. Have you noticed the way they dress lately? Seriously, most of these guys don't look evil. Maybe they don't want to, but how are you going to put fear into your enemies and be taken seriously if you don't look scary?

Let's start off with what's wrong with the current cadre of villainy...

• Osama Bin Laden dresses like some 3rd world beggar. I know the guy has a bunch of money and clothes probably have some kind of religious meaning, but he could do much better.
• Iran's president,Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, looks like a guy who works for Microsoft that got lost in the woods for a few weeks without a razor to shave with.
  
• North Korea's leader, Kim Jong Il looks just plain goofy. If tomorrow I heard North Korea built a time machine, I would believe it. Why? Because their leader looks like he's gone back to a 1970's Salvation Army to get his clothes.
• Fidel Castro used to dress in military uniforms, which is kind of scary, but just doesn't really cut it. Lots of military dictators do this, but there's just no originality; however, that's not the worst thing he's done. He's recently been sporting a windbreaker outfit. YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! Windbreakers don't make me think of evil dictators, just old people...breaking wind. It even has "Castro" written on it, as if somebody is going to forget he's Fidel Castro. Maybe he's afraid he'll forget. The guy is old, but he doesn't need to dress like he's in some retirement community.
  
• I wouldn't really consider Venuzela's president, Hugo Chavez, as an evil dictator...YET. He's probably getting there though. He looks like a typical, laid back poltician, but you can't do that, talk smack about the United States, and be taken seriously. This guy dresses like he works at Ace Hardware.
  

So what should a villain look like? Well, Hollywood and comic books have done a good job of creating villains, so I would look there for your look. G.I. Joe's Cobra Commander has a great look for a terrorist. He dresses in dark colors, like blacks and blues. Also, red is a nice color to use for emblems because it reminds people of blood and violence. Note that he's wearing a hood. This hides his face, creating mystery. This will get people talking about what exactly you look like. You will find that a lot of great villains have some kind of mask, or hood hiding their face. If your face is disfigured with scars, or burns, that's even better. Darth Vader is a good example of this and his outfit is equipped with equipment to help him breathe, giving him a creepy breathing noise. I'm surprised with all those cigars that Fidel Castro smoked, he doesn't need at least some kind of mask to help him breathe.

Hannibal Lecter is a great villain because he's charming and very intelligent and that is what's so creepy about him. He also has a mask, but he doesn't really need it. He is able to project fear by just the way he talks about things. He can say the most horrible things and not out of anger, but with joy in an almost poetic way. It's important to not only dress the part, but also act the part.

The Shredder from "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" and Lord Humongous from "The Road Warrior" both have masks, but they also keep in shape. They are built for the part of villains. They aren't afraid to display their muscular physique. It's sad that most dictators today are in such bad shape. I'm sure that it's got to be hard to keep active and stay in shape when you aren't the kind of person to take orders from a personal trainer, or anyone else for that matter. These guys should at least work on their arms a bit and show them off. Another thing I'd like to note is that The Shredder has some weaponry built into his armor. This is a nice touch and shows that he is not afraid to get up close and personal and cause damage. Another thing to add to the look is a cape. You can't go wrong with a good looking cape.

This is all fine, but were there any real life people that dress like villains? Yes, as a matter of fact, there was. Blackbeard the pirate was awesome because he used to grow long hair and a beard and then when he was going into battle, he'd put slow-burning hemp ropes in his hair, under his hat, and light them on fire. The effect was that it looked like his head was on fire. Now that's just badass. What would you do if you saw a guy coming at you with a sword in his hand and his head was on fire? You'd piss your pants, that's what you'd do!

There is one leader today that would hands down win if I were giving out a trophy for the best looking evil villain. That guy is Russia's leader, Vladimir Putin. He dresses and acts like a James Bond villain. The guy was in the KGB! Like Lord Humongous, he isn't afraid to show off some of his muscles. In the picture I've included, he kind of reminds me of some evil poacher killing endangered animals for their hides. He also has this weird thing for tigers and even got a tiger cub for his birthday. I can just picture him sitting at his desk, petting a tiger cub, and plotting to take over the world. Plus, he practices the martial art of judo, so you know he can kick some ass. He might not be as evil as Kim Jong Il, Osama Bin Laden, or some of the other guys on here, but he sure looks like one evil SOB.